Larger Life

To sit vigil with someone as there body is dying is a unique experience, or is it? I think it might be more that BEING ABLE to sit with someone as their body dies is an experience that many don’t have the opportunity to do or refuse to do.

Sure it is unique for every person dying and every person sitting vigil but don’t we live most of our lives in the in-between spaces all that time already?

Even as I sit and hold her hand wondering what is she seeing, what is she experiencing I myself am doing the exact same thing. She seems scared but is it really excitement? As she stretches her arms out is she pushing something away or embracing someone she is excited to see?

Trying to be fully present to the moment, lighting a candle or stroking her hair, seeing her as more than the vessel that is, thankfully, making its last trip to free her from the confines of it’s limiting and diminishing ability. All the while trying to remain open to what my friend calls the “larger life” that we are not always keen acknowledge.

“Larger Life” - I had never heard this term until All Souls day 2022 but it works well for me. It’s not the after life or the great beyond. It is here and now!! We are ALL part of the life even if we don’t feel like it or we don’t “see” it. It is not something to be experienced later but now, right now.

I don’t believe in a “destination death” like a “destination wedding” sort of thing. I realize we need to try to figure something out logically to wrap our minds around what is happening but it feels so limiting and the opposite of mystery or even fantasy.

I’m not wild thinking enough to imagine what this life can be like or to have thought about even creating something like “life” to begin with so how in the world could I begin to imagine what world exists all around us now? much less without our bodies?

All this to say maybe there is nothing. Maybe not even peace. Maybe there is just nothing. I’m ok with that too, I think.

In this moment right now, I find comfort in the “larger life”.

PS: As I went to look for an image for this post I searched for “Larger Life” this image of the trees really resonated. It looks like they are arms reaching up towards the light and at the same time holding the photographer. To sit in a forest like this is mesmerizing and beyond anything “normal” for me. Where I’ve lived most of my life trees grown out more than up. Never the less trees and the spaces between them feel very much part of this “larger life” experience.