Hide tide and waves crashing

At this point in my life you would think living in grief/disappointment would be something I’m comfortable with since I’ve had enough for my own life plus several others but I’m ready for a break. So I took the day “off.” I didn’t do anything I didn’t want to do AND I went to be the beach. It was crazy windy with rain and thunder but that didn’t matter. When the rain calmed down I walked for a while in the water. It was low tied so though the waves were big and angry by the time they made it to shore they were not deep and not hard to handle.

I often go to the ocean when I’m feeling overwhelmed or disconnected. I go to remind myself that waves/tides are temporary but the ocean never changes. Like our lives, our core never changes - there are emotions, feelings, etc but out beyond the waves of it all and I am reminded I am the ocean, the waves and tides are temporary.

Today I experienced something new. As I was walking it hit me that with it being low tide the force of the waves was diminished and it wasn’t hard to keep my balance. I then realized I feel like everything I’m dealing with in life right now is happening at high tied and so even a small wave of emotion makes me feel unsteady. I need for the tide to go out in my life. I need for the over all depth to be less. Now what does that really mean? I’m not sure yet but I can generally handle waves and a lot of them but for right now I need it to be low tide so I don’t feel so overwhelmed. How can I lessen the tide level in my life? Or do I just have to wait for the next moon phase?

A friend of mine passes along the teaching of the mountain representing the core of our being and all the emotions and feelings are weather just passing by but I’m a beach girl and don’t understand that analogy (or is it metaphor?) I also feel like the emotions/feelings/waves ARE the same substance as the ocean so they are part of me. If it was just weather passing by then it wouldn’t be me but something happening to me.

Huh? Something to ponder - are emotions and feelings different forms of me/the self or are they things happening to me/the self? Maybe the mountain/weather is more right? I’ll have to sit with this one.

The other day a text from a friend out of state was checking in asking if I was ok? I thought that was nice that someone is checking on me and I almost replied “Honestly, no. I’m underwater!” but realized she was reaching out due to the national news reports of flooding in my part of the country. I just replied “no flooding near me” not wanting to open a can of worms. I know she is a good person for me to be completely real with but the tide feels too high to be too real right now.

So here I am high tide and windy weather. Just moving my feet so I don’t sink so much I can’t move and looking for sand dollars, hoping the tide will go out.