Grief upon grief upon grief
Here we go again…
Does every grief have be to compounded by another grief? There is the saying that death happens in 3’s and so far for most of my life this has been true. It doesn’t always mean a physical death. This time it’s two deaths in 15 days and a co-worker being let go.
Friday morning one my “moms” from high school died (I texted the other one and she’s fine). She is so special to me and will always be. As I read people sharing memories of her, they kept calling her “sweet” and I am wondering who they are talking about. She was NOT “sweet” unless you mean in sweet and sour way. She cared deeply and passionately to a fault sometimes. She was my surrogate mom at church growing up. She took me on my first plane trip and to Cape Carnaval. She pulled me aside and would tell me to listen and she would be there at times when others were running away.
She was the first person I ever told that I knew someone died and she was supportive of me with that. I knew the night before that a friends mother had died - we were sitting in church and I had a feeling. I wrote it down on an envelope, sealed it and gave it to a friend, and told her to hold on to it. The next day I was talking in to Office Depot and “Mom” happened to be there too. She said “did you hear that Maggie’s mother died last night?” and I lost it. We were both surprised by my reaction but then I explained to her how I had felt it when it happened. She held me and let me know I wasn’t crazy.
She was one of the baby sitters in my life when I wanted to end it all. She took me to the pastor and told him I needed help. When he didn’t know how to respond she said “Maybe you could say a prayer?” and he obeyed.
She told me I needed to work on forgiving my parents.
She wanted me to talk with her daughter about how to live a life more like mine — she had NO idea what my life really looked like and if she would have… I’m not sure what she would have done.
She loved hard and was hard to love but she would always be there for you. She taught me descant singing in the adult choir.
Ironically or maybe not I was scheduled to lead worship the day after she died. I had written the worship back in January so I had no idea what was going to be coming. As I said the part about inviting those who have died into the circle around the light I saw her walk in with my two aunts and I just cried. Then my mentor walked in and it was so wonderful for them all to be there and be part of this to know that I turned out “ok” and that this was part of who I was and they were part of who I am…
But I’m tired… I hope the “three” has been satisfied and I can now move on too, as soon as I recover from the gut punch.