Finding the word... Found it! Now what?
I had the best day of my life ever… EVER… and I couldn’t describe it for a while.
As I was going through THAT day realizing how amazing it was I kept trying to stay in the moment and at the time I couldn’t stop wondering if this was going to be “one of those days” …. couldn’t remember the term a friend used. I keep thinking this is one of those before and after days where something happens that changes everything but this time, one of the few times in my life, was going to be because of something good. Paradigm shifting wasn’t the right word because nothing was really changing in my world but it was. (Pivot point or hinge moment is term the friend would use.)
A week later I was having lunch with another friend and we talked about trying to find a word to describe the feeling of it all and I couldn’t find it.
Then in church the story was told of when Peter denied Jesus three times and Jesus didn’t seem to care… and it hit… Jesus loved Peter AND Peter was LOVEABLE.
For the first time in my entire life I felt “LOVEABLE.” These last several months people have shown up for me in ways I could never imagine… all hours of the day, in all sorts of ways because they could, because they wanted to.
Then the best day ever happened and THEY showed up in a huge way… 27 years they have been in my life and they have cared about me and loved me but I could never accept it much less feel it. I’m sure there were moments but this was different. This was 48 hours of feeling like I mattered more than anything else in the world to them. And then what they did, more than I asked for … more than anyone else has ever done for me… they showered me with remembers of love and that I’m loveable even after they left.
I sit here weeks later tearing up still able to accept that I’m loveable, that I’m enough.
I keep thinking I need to do something with this but all I can do is just marinate in it and float in the feeling of it. I’m just so grateful I can still feel it and maybe this is real. So I’ll just keep accepting it and being in it for now.