I’m trying to make peace with embodied living.
I’ve been around the block with spiritual communities and boy have some of them really messed with me. Then there is all the tv/online “teachers” out there that present things with such confidence I just wanted to believe what they had to offer. As I approach a half century of life (well past middle age I hope) I’m realizing maybe I shouldn’t be so quick to want out of this suit/prison/body. Maybe I’m supposed to learn what I can from this thing before I move on to whatever is or isn’t next. I’m trying to let go of the thought that “it will be better on the other side” or that this vessel is some how a portal to evil and must be controlled or loathed.
Who am I kidding I’m not there yet!! I still don’t like all the restrictions it has on me - have to feed it, bathe it, let it rest… etc…. and it’s expensive. What’s the alterative my friends ask - I don’t know but I hope it’s better than this.
What if though… What if I could see it more like a partnership and not a adversary? What if I would give it the space to be what it is so that I can experience things through it?
In December I went to visit some new friends, in a new town, and had all these “new to me” experiences. They care for their bodies in ways I have never really seen lived out. We went to the museum of fine arts and talked about music and how much the arts affects us. We wandered through the botanical gardens full of Christmas lights and visited a neighbor who’s home was filled, and I do mean filled, with blooming orchids for the holiday season. It was a fully body sensory experience. And it gave me an emotional break I didn’t know I needed because I was forced to be present in the moment repeatedly.
When I returned home I wondered how I could experience that in small ways again. So I’ve gone to the MFA a couple of times and it has been good. I was reminded of how much I use to love making music and so I FINALLY got my piano tuned and I joined a hand bell choir again. It has been amazing how doing these little things requiring the body have brought me joy. I’ve also be playing some basketball. :)
I have to use my eyes to see the art. Some times I have to sit to really be with what I’m seeing. I have to use my arms to ring the bell, my eyes to read the music, and my ears to listen to those around me.
These all may be things that I can’t do when this partnership is done.
I wonder what will be next… what else is there to do with this partnership that I am now willing to experience vs tolerate? We shall see.